Cat and Dog; Or, Memoirs of Puss and the Captain

Nature herself did well by me. I am a fine setter, of a size that a Newfoundland dog could not despise, and a beauty that a Blenheim spaniel might envy. With a white and brown curly coat, drooping ears, bushy tail, a delicate pink nose, and good-natured brown eyes, active, strong, honest, gentle, and obedient, I have always felt a conscious pride and pleasure in being a thoroughly well-bred dog.

My condition in life was peculiarly comfortable. I was brought up in an old manor-house inhabited by a gentleman and his daughter, with several respectable and good-natured servants. My education was conducted with care, and from my earliest youth I had the advantage of an introduction into good society. I was not, indeed, allowed to come much into the drawing-room, as my master said I was too large for a drawing-room dog; but I had the range of the lower part of the house, and constant admittance to his study, where I was welcome to share his fireside while he read the newspapers or received visitors. I took great interest in his friends; and by means of listening to their conversation, watching them from under my eyelids while they thought I was asleep, and smelling them carefully, I could form a sufficiently just estimate of their characters to regulate my own conduct towards them. Though a polite dog both by birth and breeding, I was too honest and independent to show the same respect and cordiality towards those whom I liked and those whom I despised; and though very grateful for the smallest favours from persons I esteemed, no flattery, caresses, or benefactions could induce me to strike up an intimacy with one who did not please me. If I had been able to speak, I should have expressed my opinions without ceremony; and it often surprised me that my master, who could say what he pleased, did not quarrel with people, and tell them all their faults openly. I thought, if I had been he, I would have had many a fight with intruders, to whom he was not only civil himself, but compelled me to be so too. I have often observed that it appears proper for human beings to observe a kind of respect even towards persons they dislike; a line of conduct which brutes cannot understand.

However, I was not without my own methods of showing my sentiments. If I felt indifferent or contemptuous towards a person entering the room, I merely opened one eye and yawned at him. If he attempted any compliments, calling me "Good Captain," "Fine Dog," and trying to pat me, I shook off his hand, and rising from my rug, turned once round, and curling my tail under me, sank down again to my repose without taking any further notice of him. But occasionally my master admitted visitors whom I considered as such highly improper acquaintances for him, that I could scarcely restrain my indignation. I knew I must not bite them, though, in my own opinion, it would have been by far the best thing to do; I did not dare so much as to bark at them, for my master objected even to that expression of feeling: but I could not resist receiving them with low growls; during their visit I never took my eyes off them for a moment, and I made a point of following them to the door, and seeing them safe off the premises. Others, on the contrary, I regarded with the highest confidence and esteem. Their visits gave almost as much pleasure to me as to my master, and I took pains to show my friendship by every means in my power; leaving the fireside to meet them, wagging my tail, shaking a paw with them the moment I was asked, and sitting with my nose resting on their lap.

But I took no unwelcome liberties; for I was gifted with a particular power of discriminating between those who really liked me, and those who only tolerated me out of politeness. Upon the latter I never willingly intruded, though I have been sometimes obliged to submit to a hypocritical pat bestowed on me for the sake of my young mistress; but a real friend of dogs I recognised at a glance, whether lady or gentleman, so that I could safely place my paw in the whitest hand, or rest my head against the gayest dress, without fear of a repulse.

The person I loved best in the world was my master; or rather, I should say, he was the person for whom I had the highest respect. My love was bestowed in at least an equal degree upon my young mistress, his daughter Lily, in whose every action I took a deep interest.

She was a graceful, gentle little creature, whom I could have knocked down and trampled upon in a minute; but though my strength was so superior to hers, there was no one whom I was so ready to obey. A word or look from Lily managed me completely; and her gentle warning of "Oh, Captain," has often recalled me to good manners when I was on the point of breaking out into fury against some obnoxious person. Willing subject as I was, I yet looked upon myself in some manner as her guardian and protector, and it would have fared ill with man or beast who had attempted to molest her.

As I mentioned before, I was not allowed to come much into the drawing-room; but Lily found many opportunities of noticing me. I always sat at the foot of the stairs to watch for her as she came down to the breakfast-room, when she used to pat my head and say, "How do you do, good Captain? Nice dog," as she passed. Then I wagged my tail, and was very happy. I think I should have moped half the day if I had missed Lily's morning greeting. After breakfast she came into the garden, and brought me pieces of toast, and gave me lessons in what she considered clever ways of eating. I should have preferred snapping at her gifts and bolting them down my own throat in my own way; but, to please Lily, I learned to sit patiently watching the most tempting buttered crust on the ground under my nose, when she said, "Trust, Captain!" never dreaming of touching it till she gave the word of command, "Now it is paid for;" when I ate it in a genteel and deliberate manner. Having achieved such a conquest over myself, I thought my education was complete; but Lily had further refinements in store. She made me hold the piece of toast on my very nose while she counted ten, and at the word ten I was to toss it up in the air, and catch it in my mouth as it came down. I was a good while learning this trick, for I did not at all see the use of it. I could smell the bread distinctly as it lay on my nose, and why I should not eat it at once I never could understand. I have often peeped in at the dining-room window to see if my master and mistress ate their food in the same manner; but though I have sometimes seen them perform my first feat of sitting quietly before their plates, I never once saw them put their meat on their noses and catch it. However, it was Lily's pleasure, and that was enough for me.

She also taught me to shut the door at her command. This was rather a noisy performance, as I could only succeed by running against the door with my whole weight; but it gave Lily so much satisfaction, that she used to open the door a dozen times a day, on purpose for me to bang it.

Another favourite amusement of hers was making me look at myself in the glass. I grew used to this before long; but the first time that she set a mirror before me on the ground, I confess that I was a good deal astonished and puzzled. At the first glance, I took the dog in the glass for an enemy and rival, intruding upon my dominions, so I naturally prepared for a furious attack upon him. He appeared equally ready, and I perceived that he was quite my match. But when, after a great deal of barking and violence, nobody was hurt, I fancied that the looking-glass was the barrier which prevented our coming to close quarters, and that my adversary had entrenched himself behind it in the most cowardly manner. Determined that he should not profit by his baseness, I cleverly walked round behind the glass, intending to seize him and give him a thorough shaking; but there I found nothing! I dashed to the front once more; there he stood as fierce as ever. Again behind his battlements--nobody! till after repeated trials, I began to have a glimmering of the state of the case; and feeling rather ashamed of having been so taken in, I declined further contest, and lay down quietly before the mirror to contemplate my own image, and reflect upon my own reflection.

Lily took great pains with me; but after all, hers were but minor accomplishments, and I was not allowed to devote my whole attention to mere tricks or amusements. I was not born to be a lap-dog, and it was necessary that I should be educated for the more important business of life. Under my master's careful training, my natural talents were developed, and my defects subdued, till I was pronounced by the best judges to be the cleverest setter in the country. My master himself was a capital sportsman, and I was as proud of him as he was of me. When I had become sufficiently perfect to be his companion, we used to range together untired "over hill, over dale, through bush, through brier," he doing his part and I mine, and bringing home between us such quantities of game as no one else could boast. This was my real business, but it was no less my pleasure. I entered into it thoroughly. To point at a bird immovably till my master's never-failing shot gave the signal for my running to fetch the foolish thing and lay it at his feet, was to my mind the greatest enjoyment and the first object in life. And if anybody should be inclined to despise me on that account, I would beg them to recollect that it was the work given me to do, and I did it well. Can everybody say as much? The causes or the consequences of it, I was not capable of understanding. As to how the birds liked it, that never entered my head. I thought birds were meant to be shot, and I never supposed there was any other use in them.

The only thing that distressed me in our shooting excursions was, that my master would sometimes allow very indifferent sportsmen to accompany us. I whined, grumbled, and remonstrated with him to the best of my power when I heard him give an invitation to some awkward booby who scarcely knew how to hold his gun, but it was all in vain; my master's only fault was his not consulting my judgment sufficiently in the choice of his acquaintances, and many a bad day's sport we had in consequence.

Once my patience was tired beyond what any clever dog could be expected to bear. A young gentleman had arrived at our house whom my master and mistress treated much better than I thought he deserved. At the first glance I penetrated into his state of mind, and should have liked to hear my master growl, and my mistress bark at him; instead of which they said they were glad to see him, and hoped he had had a pleasant journey.

He immediately began a long string of complaints, blaming everything he mentioned. He was cold; there never was such weather for the time of year; he was tired; the roads were bad, the country dull, he had been obliged to come the last twenty miles cramped up inside a coach. Such a shame that the railroad did not go the whole way! He was very glad to get to his journey's end, but it seemed to be more for the sake of his own comfort than for the pleasure of seeing his friends. His troubles had not hurt his appetite, as I plainly perceived, for I peeped into the room several times during dinner to watch him, and listen to his conversation. It was all in the same style, some fault to be found with everything. Even Lily could not put him in good humour, though she seemed to be trying to talk about everything likely to please him. After the failure of various attempts to find a fortunate topic, she asked if he had had much shooting this season.