John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Vol. 1 (of 3) From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"

"MY EYE, TOMMY! IF 'ERE AIN'T THE SCOTCHMAN HOUT OF THE SNUFF SHOP A TAKIN' A WALK."]

Conductor. "WILL ANY GENT BE SO GOOD AS FOR TO TAKE THIS YOUNG LADY IN HIS LAP?"]

Old Gentleman. "I WANT SOME SHAVING SOAP, MY GOOD LAD."

Boy. "YES, SIR, HERE'S AN HARTICLE I CAN RECOMMEND, FOR I ALWAYS USE IT MYSELF!"]

Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, CABMAN, HOW MUCH TO THE STRAND?"

Cabman. "SIX SHILLIN'!"

Old Gent. "THAT'S TOO MUCH."

Cabman. "WELL: WHAT YOU PLEASE! IT'S TOO HOT TO DISPUTE ABOUT TRIFLES."]

Old Gentleman (politely). "OH, CONDUCTOR! I SHALL FEEL GREATLY OBLIGED TO YOU IF YOU WOULD PROCEED, FOR I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE STRAND, AND I AM AFRAID I SHALL BE TOO LATE."

Conductor (slamming the door). "GO ON, JIM! HERE'S AN OLD COVE A CUSSIN AND A SWEARING LIKE ANY THINK!!!]

Honourable Mr. Fiddle. "I WISH THAT CONCEITED ASS, FADDLE, WOULD GO!"

Captain Faddle. "THAT STUPID IDIOT, FIDDLE, NEVER KNOWS WHEN HE'S IN THE WAY!"

Rich Widow. "I SHALL BE UNCOMMONLY GLAD WHEN BOTH OF THESE SIMPLETONS TAKE THEIR DEPARTURE."]

PERSONS REPRESENTED. SARAH-JANE. MATILDA.

Scene--Camblin Town.

Sarah-Jane. "OH! YOU 'ORRID DREADFUL STORY! I DIDN'T."

Matilda. "YOU DID NOW, FOR I SEE HIM. I SEE HIM KISS YER. AND HERE HAVE I BIN ENGAGED TO TOMMY PRICE FOR YEARS, AND NEVER SO MUCH AS WALKED ARM-IN-ARM WITH HIM!"]

"OH! JUST AIN'T PEOPLE PROUD WHAT HAVE GOT PAIRASOLES!"]

Gentleman (fond of dogs). "SAGACIOUS? OH, VERY! WHY, HE NEVER SEES AN OLD GENTLEMAN, BUT HE PULLS OFF HIS HAT AND RUNS AWAY WITH IT. HE'LL FETCH A DUCK OFF A POND; AND HE'S SUCH A NOTION OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF THAT HE COSTS ME FULL A GUINEA A WEEK FOR THE LEGS OF MUTTON HE STEALS."]

Snob. "'AVE A CIGAR, COACHEE?"

Swell Busman. "NO, THANKEE--I ONLY SMOKE TOBACCER!"]

Policeman. "HA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DRINK THE BEER WHEN YOU'RE SENT OF A HERRAND?"

Genius. "AND THE RIGHT WAY TOO--AIN'T IT?"]

Smith. "WELL, BROWN! THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STEWED UP IN A RAILWAY! EH?"

Brown (faintly). "OH--IM-MEASURABLY SU-PERIOR."]

Vulgar Little Boy. "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! HERE'S A POOR BOY BIN AND HAD THE HINFLUENZA, AND NOW HE'S BROKE OUT ALL OVER BUTTONS AND RED STRIPES."]

"HALLO, SIR! ARE YOU AWARE YOU'RE TRESPASSING THERE?"]

GALLOP AS HARD AS YOU CAN AMONGST THE LADIES. IT CREATES A SENSATION!!]

Stable-Keeper (to little Gent). "SET TO KICKING, AND THEN BOLTED INTO A SHOP! DID HE, NOW? AH! HE ALWAYS WAS A LIGHT-'ARTED 'OSS."]

"I TELL YER WHAT IT IS, SAM! IF THIS FOOL OF A DOG IS GOING TO STAND STILL LIKE THIS HERE IN EVERY FIELD HE COMES TO, WE MAY AS WELL SHUT UP SHOP, FOR WE SHAN'T FIND NO PARTRIDGES."]

Gentleman (under the influence of White Bait). "WELL, OLD FELLA--REKLECT--PRESHENT COMPANY DINE HERE WITH ME EVERY MONDAY, THURSDAY, AN' SAT'DY--FRIDAY--NO--TOOSDAY, THURSDAY, AND SAT'DY--MIND AN' DON' FORGET--I SAY--WHAT A GOOD FELLA YOU ARE--GREATEST 'STEEM AND REGARD FOR YOU, OLD FELLA!!!"]

Omnibus Driver (addressing another). "YOU'RE A PRETTY FELLOW, YOU ARE. YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN? WHY, I'VE SEEN A BETTER MAN THAN YOU MADE OUT OF TEA-LEAVES!"]

Little Boy. "OH, LOR, MAR, I FEEL JUST EXACTLY AS IF MY JACKET WAS BUTTONED."]

Newspaper Boy (reads). "A GENTLEMAN IN THE N-E-I-G-H--NEIGHBOURHOOD OF----, HAS AT THE PRESENT TIME SEVERAL E-NORMOUS GOOSEBERRIES IN HIS GARDEN, WHICH MEASURE TEN INCHES IN C-I-R-CIR C-U-M-CUM F-E-R-FER E-N-C-E-ENCE CIRCUMFERENCE, AND ARE OF THE A-S-AS ASTON ASTONISHING WEIGHT OF THREE HOUNCES HEACH."

His Friend. "OH, WHAT WHOPPERS! WOULDN'T I LIKE A PINT!"]

Harriet. "ST! ST! ST! DEAR ME, NOW, I'VE BROKEN MY COMB, AND ALL MY BACK HAIR'S COME DOWN. WHAT WITH BRUSHING, AND DRESSING, AND CURLING, AND ONE THING AND THE OTHER, WHAT A PLAGUE ONE'S HAIR IS TO BE SURE!"

Young Fellow. "WELL, HARRIET, WE ARE ALL BOTHERED WITH SOMETHING. LOOK AT US MEN; WE HAVE TO SHAVE EVERY MORNING, SUMMER AND WINTER!"]

Mamma. "GEORGINA! GEORGINA!"

Georgina. "WELL, MA. HOW YOU DO FIDGET ONE!" Mamma. "SHOULDERS, MY LOVE; SHOULDERS! PRAY HOLD YOURSELF UP. YOU'RE STOOPING AGAIN DREADFULLY."]

Chorus of Unprotected Females. "CONDUCTOR! STOP! CONDUCTOR! OMNIBUS-MAN! HERE'S A GENTLEMAN HAD AN ACCIDENT AND BROKE A JAR OF LEECHES, AND THEY'RE ALL OVER THE OMNIBUS!"]