The Turkish Jester or, The Pleasantries of Cogia Nasr Eddin Effendi

'A breeze, which pleasant stories bears, Relicks of long departed years.'

The story goes, one of the stories of a hundred, that Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi one day ascending into the pulpit to preach, said, 'O believers, do ye not know what I am going to say to you?' The congregation answered, 'Dear Cogia Efendi, we do not know.' Then said the Cogia, 'What shall I say to you until you do know?' One day the Cogia ascending again into the pulpit, said, 'O Mussulmen, do ye not know what I am going to say to you?' 'We do know,' they replied. Then said the Cogia, 'Some of ye do know already, what should I have to say to you?' Then descending from the chair he went out. The assembly separated quite astonished, and, when they were out, continued to say, 'Which are those of us who know? Which are those who do not know?' The Cogia one day again mounting the chair in the same manner, said, 'O brothers, when I said to ye, "Do you know what I shall say?" there were some who said, "We know," others said, "We do not." It were now well that those among ye who knew what the Cogia said should teach those that did not.'

One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi said, 'O Mussulmen, give thanks to God Most High that He did not give the camel wings; for, had He given them, they would have perched upon your houses and chimneys, and have caused them to tumble upon your heads.'

One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi having mounted the chair in a city, said, 'O Mussulmen, the air above this city is just like the air above my city.' The congregation said, 'O Cogia Efendi, how do you know that?' Said the Cogia, 'Because I have seen as many stars above this city as I saw above Belgrade.'

One night the Cogia dreamt that he was given nine aspres, whereupon the Cogia said, 'O now pray make them up ten'; afterwards he said, 'Make them up eleven,' and then presently, a dispute having arisen, he awoke and saw that in his hand he had nothing, thereupon closing his eyes anew and stretching out his hands, he said, 'Well, well, I shall be content with nine aspres.'

One day the Cogia went out into the plain, and as he was going along he suddenly saw some men on horseback coming towards him. Cogia Efendi, in a great hurry, set off towards a cemetery, and having reached it took off his clothes, and entering into a tomb lay down. The horsemen, on seeing the Cogia run away, followed him to the place where he lay, and said, 'O fellow, why do you lie here?' Cogia Efendi, finding nothing else to say, replied, 'I am one of the buried people, but came here to walk.'

Cogia Efendi one day went into a garden, pulled up some carrots and turnips and other kinds of vegetables, which he found, putting some into a sack and some into his bosom; suddenly the gardener coming up, laid hold of him, and said, 'What are you seeking here?' The Cogia, being in great consternation, not finding any other reply, answered, 'For some days past a great wind has been blowing, and that wind blew me hither.' 'But who pulled up these vegetables?' said the gardener. 'As the wind blew very violently,' replied the Cogia, 'it cast me here and there, and whatever I laid hold of in the hope of saving myself remained in my hands.' 'Ah,' said the gardener, 'but who filled the sack with them?' 'Well,' said the Cogia, 'that is the very question I was about to ask myself when you came up.'

One day Cogia Efendi, on whom God be merciful, went to the city of Conia, and going into a pastry-cook's shop, seized hold of a tart, and saying, 'In the Name of God,' began to eat it. The pastry-cook cried out, 'Halloa, fellow, what are you about?' and fell to beating him. The Cogia said, 'Oh what a fine country is this of Conia, in which, whilst a man eats a tart, they put in a blow as a digester for every morsel.'

Cogia Nasr Eddin, at the time of the Holy Ramadan, thought to himself, 'What must I do in order to hold the fast in conformity with the people? I must prepare an earthen pot, and every day put a stone into it, and when thirty days are completed I may hold my Beiram.' So he commenced placing stones in the pot, one every day. Now it happened one day that a daughter of the Cogia cast a handful of stones into the pot, and a little time after some people asked the Cogia, 'What day of the month is it to- day?' Now it happened to be the twenty-fifth. The Cogia, however, said to them, 'Have patience and I will see'; and going to his house and emptying the pot, perceived that there were a hundred and twenty stones in it. Says the Cogia to himself, 'If I tell the people all this number they will call me a fool.' So going to them he said, 'This day is the forty-fifth day of the month.' But, said they, 'O Cogia, a month has in all but thirty days, so how can you say that to-day is the forty-fifth?' 'I spoke quite within bounds,' said the Cogia. 'If you were to see the account in the pot you would find that to-day is the hundred and twentieth.'

One day the Cogia was asked, 'When there is a new moon, what becomes of the old one?' 'They make forty stars out of each,' said the Cogia.

One day the Cogia went out of the city along with a cafila or caravan of people, and felt a wish to ride. Now there was a camel belonging to the cafila, and the Cogia said to himself, 'Now, if instead of walking I should mount on this camel, how comfortably could I travel!' Thereupon mounting on the camel, he proceeded along with the cafila. The camel, however, falling to kicking, flung the Cogia to the earth and knelt upon him. The Cogia cried out loudly, and the people of the cafila came and rescued him. After a little time the Cogia, coming to his senses, said, 'O Mussulmen, did you not see how that perfidious camel maltreated me? Now do hold the perfidious brute for me, that I may cut its throat.'

One day the Cogia bought a quantity of eggs at the rate of nine for the aspre, and carrying them to another place, he sold them at the rate of ten. Some people asking him, 'Why do you sell ten for what you gave for nine?' the Cogia replied, 'I always wish my friends to see that I lose by my bargains.'

One day the Cogia walking along the plain met a heifer, and forthwith laying thievish hands upon it, led it straight to his house, where he slaughtered it and stripped off the skin. The proprietor soon appeared before the Cogia's house, making a loud cry and lamentation. 'Who would have thought,' said the Cogia to his people and his wife, 'that my flaying the heifer would have made that fellow's face look so black?'

One day the Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi passing along the bazaar, an individual coming up to him said, 'Pray, Cogia, what is the moon to-day? Is it at three or four?' 'I don't know,' said the Cogia. 'I neither buy nor sell the moon.'

One day the Cogia taking a ladder on his shoulder, placed it against a garden wall, and mounting, got over, taking the ladder with him. The gardener seeing him said, 'Who are you? and what do you want here?' 'I am come to sell this ladder,' said the Cogia without hesitation. 'Is this a place for selling a ladder?' said the gardener. 'O you foolish man,' said the Cogia, 'cannot a ladder be sold anywhere?'

Nasr Eddin Efendi one day taking hold of some fowls one by one, tied some strips of an apron round their throats, and then let them go. The learned men having assembled round the Cogia, said, 'What was the matter with these fowls?' Said the Cogia, 'They merely went into mourning for their slaughtered mothers.'

One day a bull mounted a young cow of the Cogia's. The Cogia seeing what he was about, took a staff in his hand and ran towards him. The bull fled towards the car of a Turcoman, to which seven other oxen were attached. The Cogia keeping the ox in view, ran after him, and with the staff in his hand struck the ox several blows. 'Halloa, man!' said the Turcoman. 'What do you want with my ox?' 'Don't you interfere, you foolish dog,' said the Cogia. 'He knows full well what he has done.'

One day the Cogia made his last will. 'When I die,' said he, 'place me in an old tomb.' When the people about him said, 'Why do you make this request?' the Cogia said, 'When the inquiring angels come and ask me questions, I can say, "I am deaf. Do you not see that I as well as my tomb am old?"'

One day Cogia Efendi, putting on very short habiliments, went to the mosque to say his prayers. Whilst performing the rakoua the man who was behind him perceiving the Cogia's --- seized hold of them and squeezed them, whereupon the Cogia, seizing hold of those of the man who was before him, squeezed them too; the man, turning round and perceiving that it was Cogia Efendi himself, said, 'Halloa, what are you about?' 'You must ask the man behind me,' said the Cogia.

One day the boys of Belgrade took the Cogia along with them into the bath. They had secretly brought in their pouches a number of eggs. One and all going into the bathing-house, took off their clothes and went in, and then, sitting down on the bench, they all said to one another, 'Come, let us lay eggs: whosoever does not lay an egg shall pay the expenses of the bath'; after which they began to make a great noise, cackling like hens, and flinging the eggs which they had brought on the stone bench. Cogia Efendi, seeing what they were about, suddenly began to make a great noise and crow like a cock. 'What are you about, Cogia Efendi?' said the boys. 'Why,' said he, 'is not a cock necessary where there are so many hens?'

One day the Cogia, putting on black clothes, went out. The people, looking at him, said, 'Cogia Efendi, for whose death are you in mourning?' The Cogia answered, 'My son's father is dead, and I wear mourning for him.'

One day Cogia, returning from the harvest field, felt very thirsty. Looking around, he saw that they watered a tree by means of a pipe from a fountain. The Cogia exclaimed, 'I must drink,' and pulled at the spout, and as he did so the water, spouting forth with violence, wetted the mouth and head of the Cogia, who, in a great rage, said, 'They watered this wretched tree in order that one fool might wet another.'

One day the Cogia, taking some water melons with him, went to the mountain in order to cut wood. Feeling thirsty, he cut one of the melons, and, putting it to his mouth, cast it away, saying that it was tasteless. He then cut up another, and, to be short, he cut them all up, and, having eaten a little of each, made water over what remained. He then fell to work at cutting wood. After some time the Cogia again became thirsty, and finding no water, he went to the bits of the melons which he had cut up, and saying, 'This is sprinkled, and this is sprinkled,' ate them all.

Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi had a lamb which he had fattened to a high degree. One day some of his friends having assembled, said, 'Let us get the lamb from the Cogia and feast upon it.' So coming to the Cogia as quick as possible, they said, 'O Cogia, to-morrow is the Day of Judgment; what would you do with this lamb? Come, take it, and let us eat it.' The Cogia, however, would not believe them. Coming again, however, they said the same thing, and the Cogia, at last believing their words were true, slaughtered the lamb, and, taking it on his back, he carried it to the public walk, and, lighting a fire, he began to prepare a roast. Presently, stripping their bodies, they delivered their clothes to the Cogia, and each went aside to sleep. Whereupon the Cogia, taking their garments, flung them all into the fire and burnt them. In a little time, their bellies becoming hungry from the sleep they had had, they came again, and saw that their garments were nearly reduced to a coal. Whereupon they said to the Cogia, 'Who burnt our clothes?' 'My dear friends,' replied the Cogia, 'to-morrow is the Day of Resurrection, so what need can you have of clothes?'