Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, May 6, 1893

WELCOME, JOHN MCCARTHY BLACKHAM, And his boys! 'Tis safe to back 'em, GIFFEN, BANNERMAN, and TURNER, To teach BULL--a cheerful learner! Austral Cricket "up to date." BRUCE and TRUMBLE--rather late-- Owing to Lutetia's charms! Soon will join their chums in arms. LYONS and M'LEOD are ready; Dashing GEORGE and ALEC steady, And the others, prompt to pitch 'em (Stumps) on the old sward at Mitcham. Punch will wish you all fair weather, And fair luck! Now, all together!!! May we meet 'em oft--and whack 'em Fairly--these brave boys of BLACKHAM!

AN AIRY NOTHING.--According to a Radical paper "the poor man's tobacco pays 10-1/2_d._ in the shilling to taxation, while the rich man's cigar pays only 1/2_d._ in the shilling to taxation." This may be very true, but is the question worth discussing? It is sure to end in smoke!

HOW THEY ARE SERVED IN SERVIA.--Among some interesting items, a telegram informed us how "the Young King presided at a Council of Ministers. The ceremonial is the same as during his father's time, only two guards stand at the door, and refreshments are handed round at short intervals." The italics are ours. Rather! What a pleasant Cabinet Council. Why isn't the convivial plan adopted here? Mr. G., in the chair, would knock the table with the hammer every ten minutes and call out, "Give your orders, Gents! the Waiter's in the room!" A real Harmonious Meeting.

Miss Jeannie (to Elderly Spinster). "I'M GLAD MAUD IS GOING TO BE MARRIED TO SIR GUY. I'M SURE THEY'LL BE HAPPY, THEY'RE SO WELL MATCHED!"

Elderly Spinster aforesaid (who has had her eye on Sir Guy for the last two years). "I DON'T AT ALL AGREE WITH YOU. SIR GUY WOULD HAVE DONE FAR BETTER TO HAVE CHOSEN ONE OF HIS OWN HEIGHT!"]

AIR.--_"The Future Mrs. 'Awkins."_

I'm done, my little doner! I'm jest about a goner! My savings all U. P.! You always said I shouldn't; but resist big names I couldn't, No, they fairly nobbled me. Now Mister Justice 'AWKINS, 'onest 'ENERY HAWKINS, Some Directors' wool does comb. So 'elp me bob, I'm crazy. I must ha' bin a daisy! Won't it bust our 'umble 'ome! (Spoken or sung.) Won't it! O LIZER! Sweet LIZER! If I die in the Big 'Ouse, I'll only 'ave myself to blame. D'y'ear, LIZER? Dear LIZER! Fancy me bein' nicked by a 'igh-soundin' name!

At their sly board-meetin's wot must be their greetin's! Oh, they knows wot they're about! The public tin they close up, at us turns their nose up-- Fox and Guinea-pigs--no doubt. I likes their style, dear LIZER. Ain't it a surpriser? Cop me on the 'op like this!!! Sure, I must be dreamin'! In my sleep start screamin'. There, don't cry, old gal! Let's kiss! (Spoken or sung.) Come now! O LIZER! Dear LIZER! If I lose yer luv by this I'll only 'ave myself to blame! D'y'ear, LIZER? Dear LIZER! 'Onest 'ENERY 'AWKINS sez it's a dashed shame!

Hartful as a "bonnet," you depend upon it, Mister Fox, with tail sly-curled! Jest about the sweetest, neatest, and completest Diddle in the wide, wide world. Wot sez 'ENERY 'AWKINS, 'onest 'ENERY 'AWKINS? Law wants alterin' right away. P'raps it may be one day, but were it next Monday, Me and you 'twould not repay! (Spoken or sighed.) Would it? O LIZER! Sweet LIZER! Strikes me wot is called the Law is often fuss, and fraud, and fudge! But dear LIZER! D'y'ear, LIZER? Mister Justice 'AWKINS is a fust-class Judge!

QUERY AT SOME FASHIONABLE SEA-SIDE RESORT.--Do the unpleasant odours noticeable at certain times arise from the fact of the tide being high? If so, is the tide sometimes higher than usual, as the--ahem!--odours certainly are?

SHAKSPEARIAN QUESTION TO A COMPANY.--(To be replied to in the negative.)--"What, are you HANSARD yet?" (Mer. of Venice, iv., 1.)

_House of Commons, Monday, April 24._--House nearly Counted Out just now, although it's Budget Night and usual Resolutions not yet passed. Catastrophe averted, and sitting continued. CHILDERS come back to old scene. Looking on from below Gallery, says it's the quietest Budget Night he remembers. Usually scene one of seething excitement. One or more Trades expect taxes affecting them will either go up or go down. Lobby besieged by anxious representatives. Nothing of the sort to-night. When SQUIRE of MALWOOD rose to expound his mystery, Benches not fuller than on ordinary night. Of those present there was no speculation in the eyes they turned upon the CHANCELLOR standing at table. The SQUIRE, a great Parliamentary artist, attuned voice and manner to prevailing tone; avoided anything approaching oratorical style; plain business statement to make; accomplished it in fine head-clerkly manner.

An unfailing tradition about Budget Speech is that it shall contain at least one quotation from the Classics. Mr. G. from year to year observed this custom with splendid effect. LOWE'S Ex luce lucellum is famous in history; nearly became the epitaph of a Ministry; certainly was the funeral wail over a carefully-constructed Budget. The SQUIRE to-night felt bound to observe tradition; but in accordance with his nature did it modestly, adventuring nothing more recondite than citation of the familiar line that serves to mark WREN'S resting-place in Westminster Abbey. TOMMY BOWLES took opportunity of remarking that he was "disappointed with the Budget." This mental attitude, though not quite unexpected, threw fresh gloom over proceedings, and talk, reduced to whisper, finally died out.

_Business done._--Budget brought in.

_Tuesday._--The young men behind PRINCE ARTHUR out on the war-path. "Tell you what," says LEGH of Lyme; "let's have BRYCE's scalp."

"By the Holy Roman Empire, yes!" cried GEORGE CURZON, to whom genial observation was addressed. "Let's get at him about his snubbing SEFTON, in matter of appointment of Lancashire County Magistrates. 'Twill serve a double debt to pay. We'll have a lark--'_Quelles alouettes!_' as it is written in the French translation of Great Expectations, in the passage reporting conversation between Pip and Joe Gargery. Moreover than which, we'll put a spoke in business arrangements of Mr. G., and stave off Home Rule by so long."

"Be careful," said PRINCE ARTHUR; "ticklish subject, you know. They're sure to have HALSBURY up, and there unquestionably was a degree of monotony about his appointments to Commission of Peace."

"Oh bother HALSBURY," said CURZON, to whom nothing is sacred. "He's used to it by this time. You know what happened to the viper who bit the Cappadocian's hide? HALSBURY's all right."

"Boys will be boys," said PRINCE ARTHUR, looking at them regretfully, and thinking of his own forty-five years. "But perhaps it will be just as well if I clear out;" which he did, and so missed a lively debate.

That Elderly Young Man, HANBURY, not in best form for such operations. Lacks lightness of touch. HENRY JAMES also better out of it. Gave performance serious turn, when he declared that in borough of Bury BRYCE, as soon as he came into office, appointed eight Magistrates, all Liberals. That sounded very bad; Mr. G. looked serious; some disposition shown on Treasury Bench to draw apart from BRYCE. All very well to talk about HALSBURY'S goings on; but if this sort of thing done by Liberal purists, things seem rotten all round. When BRYCE came to reply, he quietly added to JAMES'S statement of case that, when he went to the Duchy, he found of eighteen Magistrates sixteen were Unionists, only two Liberals. He had, it is true, appointed six Liberals and two working-men, whose politics he did not know. Bury Bench, accordingly, now consisted of sixteen Unionists, eight Liberals, and two working-men. Members wondered if JAMES knew that when he made his statement? Hoped he didn't. All very well with wig and gown on, and brief in hand; but House doesn't like this kind of thing in debate.

CURZON'S statement about sad condition of Magisterial Bench at Southport, owing to machinations of an iniquitous Chancellor of the Duchy, turned out to be not more completely based on fact than was JAMES'S. But difference of manner in dealing with case, everything. No one took CURZON seriously, and so no harm done. His explanation of preponderance of Conservative Magistrates on Lancashire Bench delightful. As good as some touches of DIZZY, of whose younger, lighter manner, he much reminded old-stagers. It was true, he admitted that, on Lancashire Bench, preponderance of Magistrates was with Conservatives. (Chancellor of Duchy gave figures as he found them arranged when he came into office. On the Borough Benches, 507 Unionists, against 159 Liberals; on the County Bench, 522 Unionists, against 142 Liberals, a proportion of nearly four to one.) But how had it been brought about? asked the Strayed Reveller from the Corea. "Why, it is because the disturbing, mischievous policy of the Right Hon. Gentleman opposite" (this with indignant sweep of the arm towards Mr. G., feigning sleep on the Treasury Bench) "has driven into the opposite ranks most of the intelligent, respectable men, from whom Justices are chosen."