Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 104, May 13, 1893

Inquirer (who has continued his reading, suddenly, with a puzzled air). I say, you know, this is too much of a good thing, bringing the Russians into the business. It says--(reads)--"documents were submitted, on behalf of the United States, to prove that Russia had never abandoned her sovereign rights in the manner suggested by Great Britain." How, on earth, does Russia manage to crop up everywhere? And where is this confounded Behring Sea?

Second W. I. M. (vaguely). It's somewhere in America, or Newfoundland, or thereabouts.

Inquirer. But how about Russia?

Second W. I. M. Oh, Russia shoves her oar in whenever we get into a difficulty of any kind anywhere.

Inquirer (persisting). Yes--but how can she have any "sovereign rights" in America?

Second W. I. M. (haughtily, but evasively). My dear fellow, if you had followed the thing properly, you wouldn't ask the question. There's no time now to explain it all to you, as it's very complicated, and goes back a long way. But you may take it from me that Russia has got certain rights, and that she means to make things as disagreeable for us as she can.

Inquirer. It's rather a rum start, isn't it? sending out Sir CHARLES RUSSELL and Sir RICHARD WEBSTER. They're on opposite sides of politics.

First W. I. M. That's just why they send 'em. RUSSELL has got to put the Liberal view, and WEBSTER the Conservative.

Inquirer. Of course, of course; I never thought of that. By the way, have you ever seen a seal?

First W. I. M. They've got one at the Zoo. Catches fish, and kisses the keeper, and all that sort of game.

Inquirer. What, that big beast that looks as if it was made of india-rubber, with long whiskers and a sort of fish-tail?

First W. I. M. That's it.

Inquirer (with profound disgust). Well, I am blessed! Is that all they're jawing about?

Oh, how bright were the days when we all of us saw In their martial equipment the limbs of the Law. With their helmets and rifles, and pouches complete, (May I quote from the ladies), they "really looked sweet." The Colonel, the Major, and all their attendants, Appeared not as counsel, since all were defendants; And no soldierly spirit could equal the Bar's, When Themis, its goddess, was mated with Mars.

No more shall they charm us; harsh Fate with her shears Has severed the thread of the Law's Volunteers. And, whatever the cause was, 'twas certainly true That these fee-less defenders at last were too few. So now they're absorbed, and, no longer the same, They lose by attachment their being and name. And the old Devil's Own, from their discipline loosed, Have gone to their owner; i.e., they're re-duced.

Mr. SPEAKER, Sir, What I mean to say, I venture to think is that the British Empire--yes Sir--that is what I venture to think, and I am a young Member. For I do not believe--no not now--or in fact, when otherwise. For envy and malice are together. I venture to think that sometimes the British Empire. Yes Sir, for the enemies are at our gates with the past and the future. When the sun sinks--not that it follows--at least so I venture to think. You may believe me, Sir, that it is farthest from my thoughts when the British Empire and the sinking sun which I venture to think is--in point of fact the setting sun, and I venture to think the British Empire, and that is I venture to think was my proposal in the past--which has the terrors of the present from generation to generation.

(Revised Report.)

Mr. SPEAKER, Sir, at a time like the present--when the enemies of the Empire are clamouring at our gates, when envy walks hand-in-hand with malice, and our fate is in our own hands--we should be bold and resolute. It is not for a young Member like myself to point out the course that we should pursue, but I venture to think that, by ignoring the terrors of the past with the courage of the present, we shall avert the dangers of the future. It has been said--and truly said--that the sun never sets upon the British Empire. Let us believe in that sun, and find in its rays an earnest of that glory which was the birthright of our ancestors, and which, should be the birthright of our descendants from generation to generation.