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by Various
Language: en297 downloads on Project Gutenberg
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Public-domain ebook sourced from Project Gutenberg #32839.
The opening · free to read
Don't go twitching your cords! (Impatiently.) Lemme look at ye well: (Genial amusement.) Why, I'm derned ef ye don't look as skeered as a tortoise growed out of his shell! What's the style of your show? This yer pictur looks gay: Why, ye don't tell me so! (Homely gratification.) It's a Murrican play! And you mosey along with the posters--wa'al, now, do ye find the job pay? (With a kindly curiosity.) Say, what was it--_drink_? As has led to it....Stop! Wa'al, on'y to _think_--Ef it isn't his shop! This identical theater as hires ye. Hev ye heerd on him?--HASDRUBAL JOPP! So ye hev, I declar! Oh, it's likely the same, Which I knew him out thar (indicate the United States by a vague jerk of your thumb). And I reckon it's Fame, If a broken-down blizzard like you--(No offence!)--kin look so at his name!
(By the word "so" you should suggest a movement of pleased surprise on the part of the Sandwich-man.)
Can't ye stay for awhile--Till I've opened my head? So he's bin an' struck ile? Which the same's what I said-- Fur I see him in Fish outer Water, and sez I (sententiously), "A Tragedian bred!" Yes, I allays allowed, As he must make a hit; And not at all proud--No, _Sir_--all on him grit! (Affectionately.) Jess you wait till he hears I'm around, and you mark the reception I git! For us two were such chums As ye don't often find. Lord! the way it all comes Scrouging in on my mind!-- (Abruptly.) This dern sun is that pesky an' strong, it's enough for to strike a man blind!
(Here you should convey the idea that this is a mere excuse for a not unmanly emotion; this is generally done by wiping the eye surreptitiously on the coat-sleeve.)
A freehandeder cuss Never stepped on a street. Which he'd raise such a fuss, When we happened to meet-- I could see he'd be hurt in his feelins ef he warn't not allowed to stand treat! So he's managed to climb To the top of the tree!
(Here the Sandwich-man is supposed to make some sort of assent. You turn upon him savagely, with an irritation assumed to conceal deep feeling.)
What on airth do you mean? By a' sayin' "_You're_ sure Of it." (With half recognition.) Seems like I've seen Those yer featurs afore!
Come, you ain't going yet? (Heartily.) H'yur, you lem me run on! Why, we've on'y jest met--And you want to be gone! I must hev some critter, I tell ye, to practise chin-music upon! No, theer don't seem a doubt--He is cock of the school; And the stuffing's knocked out Of your IRVING and TOOLE!
(Second emotional display; half turn, and use your handkerchief with ostentation; the Sandwich-man is also affected, which you observe with some surprise.)
Why, you air lookin' queer! Derned ef I kin see why! Sho! you thought 'twas a tear As I've got in my eye?
He'll be chipper an' smart.--But, fur all he has riz, He will open his heart And a bottle of fizz Right away when he sees me! (Here you seem to detect a lurking doubt in the Sandwich-man's eye.) Hightoned, Sir? You'd better believe that he is! I ain't feared o' no change: JOPP'll be jest as true!
(Crestfallen tone.) So ye're not on the boards, but between 'em! (Change to hasty and somewhat confused apology.) ... Ye'll excuse me--I've suthin' to do!
[_Go off hurriedly, with air of a man recollecting an appointment._
It is hardly necessary to advise you that the effect you should aim at is the securing of your audience's sympathy for _yourself_--as the victim of such an unfortunate mistake--don't let them trouble themselves about the unseen Sandwich-man.
A SCHOOL FLORA. For the use of Elementary Botanical Classes. By W. MARSHALL WATTS, D. Sc. (Lond.), B. Sc. (Vict.)., Physical Science Master in the Giggleswick Grammar School.
A SCHOOL FLORA (ILLUSTRATED).
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