Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, October 6, 1894

THE pith of LABBY'S caustic elocution Is that long war of words should end in deeds. After the lead of the Leeds Resolution, He wants to feel that Resolution leads! A House of Words but little help affords In a hot contest with a House of Lords. But LABBY, were the issue quite so glorious If--as some fear--the Lords should prove victorious?

I'VE heard a Frenchman wag his tongue Wi' unco din an' rattle, An', 'faith, my vera lugs hae sung Wi' listenin' tae his prattle; But French is no the worst of a' In point o' noise an' clang, man; There's ane that beats it far awa', And that's the Lunnon twang, man.

You wadna think, within this land, That folk could talk sae queerly, But, sure as Death, tae understand The callants beats me fairly. An', 'faith, 'tis little gude their schules Can teach them, as ye'll see, man, For--wad ye credit it?--the fules Can scarcely follow me, man.

An' yet, tae gie the deils their due, (An' little praise they're worth, man,) They seem tae ken, I kenna hoo. That I come frae the Nor-r-rth, man! They maun be clever, for ye ken There's nought tae tell the chiels, man: I'm jist like a' the ither men That hail frae Galashiels, man.

But oh! I'm fain tae see again The bonny hills an' heather! Twa days, and ne'er a drap o' rain-- Sic awfu' drouthy weather! But eh! I doubt the Gala boys Will laugh when hame I gang, man, For oo! I'm awfu' feared my voice Has ta'en the Lunnon twang, man!

SIR HERBERT JENNER FUST what would you say To Doctors' Commons being done away! No wonder its machinery is rusty, Since in your time at best it was but Fusty!

Undershell (to himself, as he follows ADAMS). Now is my time to arrange about getting away from here. (To ADAMS.) By the bye, I suppose you can let me have a conveyance of some sort--after I've seen the horse? I--I'm rather in a hurry.

Adams. You'd better speak to Mr. CHECKLEY about that, Sir; it ain't in my department, you see. I'll fetch him round, if you'll wait here a minute; he'd like to hear what you think about the 'orse.

[_He goes off to the coachman's quarters._

Und. (alone). A very civil fellow this; he seems quite anxious to show me this animal! There must be something very remarkable about it.

[ADAMS returns with CHECKLEY.

Adams. Mr. CHECKLEY, our 'ed coachman, Mr. UNDERSHELL. He's coming in along with us to 'ear what you say, if you've no objections.

Und. (to himself). I must make a friend of this coachman, or else ----(Aloud.) I shall be charmed, Mr. CHECKLEY. I've only a very few minutes to spare; but I'm most curious to see this horse of yours.

Checkley. He ain't one o' my 'orses, Sir. If he 'ad been----But there, I'd better say nothing about it.

Adams (as he leads the way into the stables, and turns up the gas). There, Sir, that's Deerfoot over there in the loose box.

Und. (to himself). He seems to me much like any other horse! However, I can't be wrong in admiring. (Aloud, as he inspects him through the rails.) Ah, indeed? he is worth seeing! A magnificent creature!

Adams (stripping off Deerfoot's clothing). He's a good 'orse, Sir. Her ladyship won't trust herself on no other animal, not since she 'ad the influenzy so bad. She'd take on dreadful if I 'ad to tell her he wouldn't be fit for no more work, she would!

Und. (sympathetically). I can quite imagine so. Not that he seems in any danger of that!

Check. (triumphantly). There, you 'ear that, ADAMS? The minute he set eyes on the 'orse!

Adams. Wait till Mr. UNDERSHELL has seen him move a bit, and see what he says then.

Check. If it was what you think, he'd never be standing like he is now, depend upon it.

Adams. You can't depend upon it. He 'eard us coming, and he's quite artful enough to draw his foot back for fear o' getting a knock. (To UNDERSHELL.) I've noticed him very fidgety-like on his forelegs this last day or two.

Und. Have you, though? (To himself.) I hope he won't be fidgety with his _hind_-legs. I shall stay outside.

Adams. I cooled him down with a rubub and aloes ball, and kep 'im on low diet; but he don't seem no better.

Und. (to himself). I didn't gather the horse was unwell. (Aloud.) Dear me! no better? You don't say so!

Check. If you'd rubbed a little embrocation into the shoulder, you'd ha' done more good, in my opinion, and it's my belief as Mr. UNDERSHELL here will tell you I'm right.

Und. (to himself). Can't afford to offend the coachman! (Aloud.) Well, I daresay--er--embrocation would have been better.

Adams. Ah, that's where me and Mr. CHECKLEY differ. According to me, it ain't to do with the shoulder at all--it's a deal lower down.... I'll 'ave him out of the box and you'll soon see what I mean.

Und. (hastily). Pray don't trouble on my account. I--I can see him capitally from where I am, thanks.

Adams. You know best, Sir. Only I thought you'd be better able to form a judgment after you'd seen the way he stepped across. But if you was to come in and examine the frog?----I don't like the look of it myself.