The Lame Lover: A Comedy in Three Acts

Printed for PAUL VAILLANT: and sold by P. ELMSLY, in the Strand; and ROBINSON and ROBERTS, No. 25, Pater-noster-Row. MDCCLXX.

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FRANCIS SEYMOUR CONWAY, EARL OF HERTFORD, LORD CHAMBERLAIN OF HIS MAJESTY'S HOUSEHOLD, TO WHOSE POLITENESS AND CANDOUR THE AUTHOR OWES EVERY ACKNOWLEDGMENT, THIS COMEDY IS GRATEFULLY DEDICATED BY HIS LORDSHIP'S MOST OBLIGED AND MOST OBEDIENT SERVANT,

North End.

SAM. FOOTE.

PROLOGUE.

Written and Spoken by Mr. GENTLEMAN.

Prologues, like cards of compliment, we find, Most as unmeaning as politely kind; To beg a favour, or to plead excuse, Of both appears to be the gen'ral use. Shall my words, tipt with flattery, prepare A kind exertion of your tend'rest care? Shall I present our Author to your sight, All pale and trembling for his fate this night? Shall I sollicit the most pow'rful arms To aid his cause--the force of beauty's charms? Or tell each critic, his approving taste Must give the sterling stamp, wherever plac'd? This might be done--but so to seek applause Argues a conscious weakness in the cause. No--let the Muse in simple truth appear, Reason and Nature are the judges here: If by their strict and self-describing laws, The sev'ral characters to-night she draws; If from the whole a pleasing piece is made, On the true principles of light and shade; Struck with the harmony of just design, Your eyes--your ears--your hearts, will all combine To grant applause:--but if an erring hand Gross disproportion marks in motley band, If the group'd figures false connexions show, And glaring colours without meaning glow, Your wounded feelings, turn'd a diff'rent way, Will justly damn--th' abortion of a play. As Farquhar has observ'd, our English law, Like a fair spreading oak, the Muse should draw, By Providence design'd, and wisdom made For honesty to thrive beneath its shade; Yet from its boughs some insects shelter find, Dead to each nobler feeling of the mind, Who thrive, alas! too well, and never cease To prey on justice, property, and peace. At such to-night, with other legal game, Our vent'rous author takes satiric aim; And brings, he hopes, originals to view, Nor pilfers from th' Old Magpie, nor the New[1]. But will to Candour chearfully submit; She reigns in boxes, galleries, and pit.

1. Alluding to Mr. Garrick's Prologue to the Jubilee.

Dramatis Personæ.

MEN.

Sir LUKE LIMP, Mr. Foote. Serjeant CIRCUIT, Mr. Vandermere. Colonel SECRET, Mr. Robson. JACK, Mr. Weston. Mr. WOODFORD, Mr. Knowles. Mr. FAIRPLAY, Mr. Wheeler. First SERVANT, Mr. Dancer. Second SERVANT, Mr. Griffiths.

WOMEN.

Mrs. CIRCUIT, Mrs. Gardner. CHARLOT, Mrs. Jewell. Mrs. SIMPER, Mrs. Saunders. BETTY, Mrs. Read.

THE LAME LOVER.

ACT I.

Enter Serjeant CIRCUIT and CHARLOT.

CHARLOT.

I tell you, Sir, his love to me is all a pretence: it is amazing that you, who are so acute, so quick in discerning on other occasions, should be so blind upon this.

SERJEANT.

But where are your proofs, Charlot? What signifies your opening matters which your evidence cannot support?

CHARLOT.

Surely, Sir, strong circumstances in every court should have weight.

SERJEANT.

So they have collaterally, child, that is by way as it were of corroboration, or where matters are doubtful; then indeed, as Plowden wisely observes "Les circonstances ajout beaucoup depoids aux faits."--You understand me?

CHARLOT.

Not perfectly well.

SERJEANT.

Then to explain by case in point; A, we will suppose, my dear, robs B of a watch upon Hounslow heath--dy'e mind, child?

CHARLOT.

I do, Sir.

SERJEANT.

A, is taken up and indicted; B swears positively to the identity of A.--Dy'e observe?

CHARLOT.

Attentively.

SERJEANT.

Then what does me A, but sets up the alibi C, to defeat the affidavit of B.--You take me.

CHARLOT.

Clearly.

SERJEANT.

So far you see then the ballance is even.