Drawing Rooms, Second Floor, and Attics: A Farce, in One Act

Lend me Five Shillings, Three Cuckoos, Catch a Weazel, Where there's a Will there's a Way, John Dobbs, A Most Unwarrantable Intrusion, Going to the Derby, Your Life's in Danger, Midnight Watch, Box and Cox, Trumpeter's Wedding, Done on Both Sides, Poor Pillicoddy, Old Honesty, Young England, King and I, My Wife's Second Floor, Who do they take me for? The Thumping Legacy, Milliners' Holiday, Wedding Breakfast, Irish Tiger, Attic Story, Who's the Composer? Who's my Husband? Slasher and Crasher, Prince for an Hour, Away with Melancholy, Waiting for an Omnibus, Betsy Baker, Who Stole the Pocket-Book? Two Bonnycastles, From Village to Court, Grimshaw, Bagshaw, and Bradshaw, Rights and Wrongs of Women, Sent to the Tower, Our Wife, Brother Ben, Take Care of Dowb--, Wooing One's Wife, Margery Daw, The Double-Bedded Room, the "Alabama," &c. &c.

THOMAS HAILES LACY, 89, STRAND, LONDON, W.C.

DRAWING ROOMS, &c.

First performed at the Royal Princess's Theatre, (under the management of Mr. George Vining), on Easter Monday, the 28_th of March,_ 1864.

Characters.

TRIPTOLEMUS BROWN Mr. DAVID FISHER.

MR. BUNNY (a retired Furrier) Mr. H. MELLON.

MR. COCKLETOP Mr. C. SEYTON.

CAPTAIN HARDAPORT Mr. H. FORRESTER.

LUKE SHARP (a Pastrycook's Assistant) Mr. R. CATHCART.

JONATHAN (Servant to Mr. Bunny) Mr. CHAPMAN.

CAROLINE BUNNY Miss EMMA BARNETT.

ARABELLA HARDAPORT (a Miliner) Miss REBECCA POWELL.

PHOEBE FURBELOW (niece to Jonathan) Miss HELEN HOWARD.

_Time in Performance_--45 minutes.

COSTUMES OF THE DAY.

DRAWING ROOMS, SECOND FLOOR, AND ATTICS.

SCENE FIRST.--_Interior of an Attic. Small door at L. flat; small attic window at C., shewing the slanting roof of a house beyond, with two large chimney pots, &c._

At the rising of the curtain, PHOEBE is discovered on chair, R., taking down linen, which is hanging up on a line, and depositing it in a clothes basket at her side.

PHOEBE. (singing) I'm off to Charlestown early in the morning; I'm off to Charlestown, and little time to stay; Then give my respects to all the pretty yellar girls; I'm off to Charlestown before the break of day.

The small door, L. C., opens, and JONATHAN appears--he has a house broom in one hand.

JONATHAN. Ah! there's my pretty, merry-hearted little bird, chirruping away as usual.

PHOEBE. Yes, uncle Jonathan, and now that you are here, you'll help your "little bird" to take down her clothes line, won't you? (gets down)

JONATH. Very well; only we must look sharp about it; our drawing rooms and second floor give a party to-night. Dear, dear! only to think of the swaps and changes of this mortal life! I recollect our drawing rooms and second floor, Mr. Bunny, going about the streets of London, crying, "Hare skins--rabbit skins!"

PHOEBE. And now he's a retired furrier, with no end of money! I only wish I was rich!

JONATH. Phoebe, allow me to remind you, that when your parents sent you up from Cambridge--celebrated for its university and its sausages--it was in order to cure you of your nonsensical notions of finery and grandeur. (on L.)

PHOEBE. No such thing!

JONATH. No such thing! when you were actually trying to entrap the affections of a young man, considerably higher up the social ladder than yourself!

PHOEBE. What, Triptolemus Brown! he was only assistant to a chemist and druggist, after all. Poor dear Trip, many's the cake of soap and box of hair pins he's given me. Mark my words, uncle Jonathan, I know he'll come up to London and find me out--I'm sure of it, and then----

BUNNY. (without) Jonathan!

JONATH. (paying no attention) And then--only let me catch him coming after you, and if I don't give him one for his nob---- (flourishing his broom)

The little door, L. C., opens, and as BUNNY enters, JONATHAN'S broom falls on his hat, and bonnets him.

BUNNY. (shouting) Help! murder!

JONATH. (raising up BUNNY'S hat) Mr. Bunny!

BUNNY. Jonathan! How is it, sir, that I find myself obliged to scramble up in the dark to the top of my own house--to the very attics, after my own servant? and when I find my own servant, my own servant breaks my own broom handle over my own head?

PHOEBE. It's my fault, Mr. Bunny; I asked uncle, as a particular favour, to come up here.

BUNNY. But I presume you didn't ask uncle, as a particular favour, to demolish my new hat! (shewing his hat smashed)

JONATH. Oh! if that's all, I can pay for it; about five and ninepence, I suppose. (putting his hand into his breeches pocket)

BUNNY. Jonathan, my ball opens at eight o'clock--it is now half-past six. Is it your intention, sir, to illuminate my drawing rooms, by lighting the gas, or must I perform that office myself.

JONATH. I'm going, sir.