A day at Happy Hollow School

SETTING--Interior of schoolroom. Chairs arranged in rows for scholars; desk and chair for teacher; blackboard.

(Enter teacher. Severe-looking, wearing eye-glasses. Arranges books and papers on desk. Rings bell.)

(Enter scholars, singly and in groups, talking and laughing until teacher again taps bell. They wear varied costumes, gingham aprons, etc. On entering remove coats, caps, shawls, hats and bonnets--in season and out of season--hanging them on hooks in the wall or on backs of chairs. Hair in pig-tails or curls tied with ribbons or shoestrings in all manner of fashions.)

Each has basket, bag or tin dinner-pail.

Teacher opens roll-book and proceeds to call roll.

Teacher. “Annabel Adams.”

Annabel Adams. “Present.”

Teacher. “Bessie Bolitsky.”

Bessie Bolitsky. “P-r-r-esent!”

Teacher. “Curiosity Cornhusk.”

Curiosity Cornhusk. “Present.”

Teacher. “Dennis Dockerty.”

Dennis Dockerty. “Present.”

Teacher. “Etta Elephant.”

Etta Elephant (fat child). “I’m here.”

Teacher. “Fanny Finney.”

Fanny Finney (brogue). “Hyer.”

Teacher. “Geraldine Griggs.”

Geraldine Griggs. “Present.”

Teacher. “Henry Hoskins.”

Henry Hoskins. “Pr-r-esent.”

Teacher. “Isaac Ibsen.”

Isaac Ibsen. “We’s both here.”

Teacher. “Silence! Next time answer as you should.” (Proceeds.) “Ira Ibsen.”

Ira Ibsen (very faintly). “Present.”

Teacher. “Joshua Judkins.”

Joshua Judkins. “Present.”

(Other names may be added.)

Teacher. “First class in geography, come forward.”

(Advance Annabel, Dennis, Etta, Curiosity and Joshua.)

Teacher. “Now Annabel, you tell me this. If to the right of you is the South, and on your left the North, and in front of you the East--what’s behind you?”

Annabel thinks a moment, then starts to cry. “Boo hoo! I knowed it. I told ma you’d see them buttons missin’ off my waist.”

Teacher. “Ridiculous! I mean the West. Now listen children! Does anybody remember what the population of China is?” (All shake heads negatively.)

Teacher. “Well, the population of China is so great that two Chinamen die every time you take a breath.”

(Etta immediately starts purring furiously. Keeps it up until spoken to.)

Teacher. “Dennis Dockerty go to the board and draw the map of New Jersey.”

(Dennis goes, but draws instead a tree, one branch of which is longer than the others, and has on it three disks representing fruit.)

Teacher (just then observing Etta’s flushed face and energetic puffs): “Why Etta Elephant, what’s the matter? What on earth are you doing?”

Etta Elephant. “Killing Chinamen. I never did like them foreigners what me father calls aliens, and I’m getting rid of them as fast as I can.”

(Teacher throws up hands in exasperation. Turns to blackboard.)