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In: Humour·Plays/Films/Dramas·Teaching & Education
Public-domain ebook sourced from Project Gutenberg #57893.
The opening · free to read
THE characters in this little sketch should be played by prominent citizens of your town, if such can be prevailed upon to appear--the more elderly, staid, and incongruous in years and bearing, the better. Dignified professors, judges, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc., should be prevailed upon to forget their present greatness, don the costumes and revive the scenes of their youth.
The dress may be left largely to individual taste. Short pantaloons, jumpers, long-sleeved tires, caps, broad-brimmed straw hats, heavy cowhide boots, are suggested for the gentlemen; while short dresses, the historic pantalette, sun-bonnets, tires, aprons, etc., are proposed for the ladies. The latter should have their hair braided or hanging in long curls. All should be neatly dressed in "ye olden time" costumes, except one or two, who may represent the tatterdemalion fraternity. One of these may be the bright boy of the class, the other the dullard, who stumbles through his lessons, loses his place, has a passion for catching flies, throwing spit-balls, etc. One boy may have a penchant for drawing pictures on his slate or the blackboard, in which his teacher and mates play a prominent part as models. One girl a proneness for chewing gum, another for large pickles; another thinks herself smart, but generally manages to give wrong answers. A few names have been suggested in the dialogue, but they may be easily varied. Where a name is not necessary, the author has used the word "Pupil," so that the parts may be distributed according to the number of performers.
The by-play that goes on among the scholars who are not reciting must be of such a nature that it will not attract the attention of the teacher unless it is a part of the programme.
The motion song can be introduced elsewhere in the dialogue if advisable.
As a rule, pupils should raise hands (at the same time saying "Huh! huh!" or snapping thumb and finger), and obtain permission before speaking; but where the dialogue becomes spirited, this rule may be broken.
An indefinite number can take part in this entertainment.
THE COUNTRY SCHOOL.
INTRODUCTION. THE curtain should rise upon an introductory front scene depicting the pupils on their way to school, singly, or in groups of two or three, swinging book-bags or dinner-pails; one group of girls play bean-bag; a group of boys play marbles; one boy tries to fly a kite; some skip, others walk sedately, or jump rope, drive hoop, etc.
(Enter BOY, whittling.)
BOY. Say, Seth, old Hickory's coming! Got your hands all waxed, sonny? 'Cause you'll have to ketch it hot and heavy this morning. Teacher's awful mad about your stealing Squire Green's apples.
SETH CRANE (who has book-bag, etc.). Don't care. I ain't going to school to-day, anyway. I'm going to play hookey.
BOY. Did your ma say you might?
SETH. Bet your life she didn't. I'm not tied to my ma's apron strings, Bubby; I'm no baby!
BOY. Here he comes! Run, Seth, or he'll ketch you.
(SETH runs off. Teacher passes along saying "Good-morning" etc., to children.)
BOY. (still whittling, to group which comes up). Say, boys, Seth Crane's going to play hookey. Let's pay, him back for saying we stole Squire Green's apples, will you, and tell his mother? She's a daisy, though, ain't she?
SECOND BOY. Agreed! But who'll tell the old lady?
BOY. Let Daniel. He's teacher's pet anyway, and if he's late, nothing'll be said. Will you go, Dan?
DANIEL. Yes. The old lady'll give me some of her nice doughnuts. (Smacking lips, he runs off. Boys pass off in other direction, crying, "Save some for us, Dan," etc.)
The above merely serves to indicate the general nature of the dialogue that may be characteristically employed, the precise points to be made depending for their humorous value so entirely upon the identity of the actor in each case and their contradiction of his well-known character and dignity, that they must be left to the invention of the players. The dialogue, whatever its nature, should be accompanied by an incessant pantomimic action of characteristic boyish antics and practical jokes, made inexpressibly ludicrous by whiskers, bass voices, and other personal anachronisms.
At the close of this introductory part, and while the curtain is rising on the school scene, a large bell should be rung vigorously.
As pupils enter they courtesy to the teacher, and after hanging hats and bonnets on nails, take their seats. One pupil is granted the privilege of ringing the bell at the door, whereupon the rest enter. The school is them called to order and the roll is read. Each answers "here" or "present" to his name. When the name of "James Peters" is read there is no reply. At length one of the girls explains that he "had to stay to hum to mind the baby." Another scholar reports that "the reason Molly Jenkins didn't come was because she hadn't no shoes."
TEACHER. I see a few new scholars here. I will now take their names. What name do you call yourself, sir?
J. C. SMITH. I don't call myself any names! But Nappy Jones does, and ef he ever does it again (doubling up his fists and threatening the same, who returns the compliment), I'll lick him, see ef I don't! My name is Julius Caesar Smith, and don't you forget it.
TEACHER. How old are you, Julius Caesar?
J. C. S. I'm five years old next Christmas.
TEACHER. That will do. The next scholar.
J. CALL. I'm Jule Call, and my brother's name is Bill Call.
TEACHER. Your brother can speak for himself. It is very improper to say "Jule" and "Bill;" you should say Julius. Now, what is your name?
J. C. Julius Call, sir.
TEACHER. Next?
B. CALL. Bilious Call, sir.
TEACHER. What, sir!
B. C. Bilious Call. (In surprise.)
TEACHER. There is no such proper name as "Bilous." Your name is probably William.
J. C. He's my brother Bill anyway, and ef I'm Julius he's Bilious, ain't we?
TEACHER. Silence I want no impudence from any of my pupils. (JULIUS, silenced but not convinced, shakes his head and gesticulates to his friends, all of whom show him their sympathy with his views.) What is your name, my dear?
Z. S. Zenobia Snellings, may it please you, sir. (Makes low courtesy.)
TEACHER. Are you a native of this place?
Z. S. Yes, sir--part of the year.
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