Citt and Bumpkin (1680)

In a DIALOGUE, &c.

Citt. So that you would know, First, how we manag'd the Petition; and Secondly, how it came to miscarry.

Bum. Those are the two Points, Citt, but first take off your Pot, and then tell your Story; you shall have mine afterward.

Committees to promote the Petitions.

Citt. There was no way, you must know, to carry the business clear, without getting a Vote of Common-Council for the Petition; and so making it an Act of the City: And in order to this End, we planted our Committees every where up and down, from Algate to Temple-barr, at convenient distances; some few of them in Taverns but most at Coffee-houses; as less liable to suspition. Now we did not call these Meetings, Committees, but Clubs; and there we had all Freedom both for Privacy and Debate: while the Borough of Southwark, Westminster, and the Suburbs, proceeded according to our Method.

Bum. And what were these Committees now to do?

Their Powers and Instructions.

Citt. Their Commission was to procure Subscriptions, to justify the Right of Petitioning, and to gain Intelligence: And then every Committee had one man at least in it that wrote short-hand.

Bum. Well, and what was he to do?

Citt. It was his part to go smoking up and down from One Company to another, to see who was for us, and who against us: and to take Notes of what people said of the Plot, or of the Kings Witnesses, or against this way of Petitioning.

Bum. But how came those Committees (as ye call 'um) by their Commissions?

Two Grand Committees.

Citt. For that, let me tell you, we had two Grand Committees, that adjourn'd from place to place, as they saw occasion: But they met most commonly at Two Coffee-houses; the One near Guild-Hall, the Other in the Strand; for you must take notice that we went on, hand in hand with our Neighbours in the Main Design.

Bum. But you do not tell me yet who set up the Other Committees.

The Office of the Grand Committees.

Citt. These two Grand Committees, I tell you, nominated and appointed the Sub-Committees, gave them their Orders, and received their Reports: It was their Office moreover to digest Discoveries, and Informations; to instruct Articles, improve Accusations, manage Controversies, defray the charge of Intelligencers, and Gatherers of hands, to dispose of Collections; to influence the Anglicus's and Domesticks, and fortify those that were weak in the Faith; to furnish matter sometimes for Narratives.----

Bum. What dost thou mean by Narratives, Citt?

Citt. They are only Strange Storys; as that of the Dragon in Essex; Earth-quakes, Sights in the Air, Prodigies, and the like.

Bum. One would think it should not be worth their while, to busy their heads about such Fooleries as these.

Stories of Prodigies startle the Common People.

Citt. Now this is thy simplicity Bumpkin, for there is not any thing that moves the hearts of the People so effectually toward the Work of the Lord, especially when the Narrative carries some Historical Remarque in the Tayl of it: As for the purpose, this or that happen'd in such a Kings Reign, and soon after such and such troubles befell the Church and State: such a Civil War, such or such a Persecution, or Invasion follow'd upon it. When the People perceive once that the Lord hath declared himself against the Nation, in these tokens of his Displeasure, the Multitude seldom fail of helping the Judgment forward.

Bum. I don't know what ye call your Committees, but Our Gentry had their Meetings too; and there was a great Lord or two among 'um that shall be Nameless.

Citt. We could shew you othergates Lords among Us, I'le assure you, then any you have; but let that passe.

Bum. You told me that your Committees were to procure Subscriptions; we were hard put to't, I'm sure, in the Country to get Hands.

The way of getting hands in and about London.

Citt. And so were we in the City Bumpkin; and if it had not been to advance the Protestant Interest, I'de have been torn to pieces by wild Horses, before I'de have done what I did. But extraordinary Cases must have extraordinary allowances. There was hardly a Register about the Town that scap'd us for Names: Bedlam, Bridewell, all the Parish-books, nay the very Goals, and Hospitalls; we had our Agents at all Publick Meetings, Court, Church, Change, all the Schools up and down; Masters underwrit for their Children, and Servants, Women for their Husbands in the West-Indies, nay we prevail'd upon some Parsons, to engage for their whole Congregations; we took in Jack Straw, Wat Tyler, and the whole Legend of Poor Robins Saints into our List of Petitioners; and the same Names serv'd us in four or five several places. And where's the hurt of all this now? So long as the Cause it self is Righteous.

Several ways of getting Hands in the Country.

Bum. Nay, the thing was well enough Citt, if we could but have gone through with it: And you shall see now that we were put to our shifts in the Country, as well as you in the City. I was employ'd you must know, to get Names at four shillings a Hundred, and I had all my Real Subscriptions written at such a distance, one from another, that I could easily clap in a Name or two betwixt 'um; and then I got as many School-boys as I could, to underwrite after the same manner, and after this, fill'd up all those spaces with Names that I either Remember'd, or Invented my self, or could get out of two or three Christning-books. There are a World (ye know) of Smiths, Browns, Clarks, Walkers, Woods, so that I furnish'd my Catalogue with a matter of Fifty a piece of these Sir-names_, which I_ Christen'd my self. And besides, we had all the Non-conformist Ministers in the Country for us, and they brought in a power of hands.

The Protestant Dissenters great Promoters of the Petition.

Citt. What do you talk of your Non-conformists? They do but work Journey-work to Ours. We have the Heads of all the Protestant Dissenters in the Nation here in this Town, why, we have more Religions, Bumpkin, in this City, then you have People in your whole Country.

Bum. Ay, and 'tis a great blessing too, that when Professors are at so mighty Variance among themselves_, there should be so wonderfull an_ Agreement in the Common Cause.

Citt. And that's notably observ'd, Bumkin; for so we found it here. The Presbyterian got hands of His Party; the Independent of His; the Baptist of His; the Fifth-Monarchy man of His; and so throughout all our Divisions: and we had still the most zealous man in His way, to gather the Subscriptions: And when they had completed their Roll, they discharg'd themselves as Naturally into the Grand Committee, as Rivers into the Sea. And then we were sure of all the Republicans.

Bum. But after all this Care and Industry_, how was it possible for the business to_ Miscarry?

Citt. Why I know 'tis laid in our dish, that when we had set the whole Kingdome agogg upon Petitioning, our hearts would not serve us to go through stitch, and so we drew our own necks out of the Collar, and left the Countries in the Lurch.

Bum. Nay that's the Truth on't, Citt_; We stood all gaping for_ London to lead the way.

Citt. The great work that we look't upon was the gaining of a well-affected Common-Council; which we secur'd upon the Election, with all the skill, and watchfullness imaginable.

Bum. And that was a huge point Citt; but how were ye able to compasse it?

Tricks to defeat Elections.

Citt. Why we had no more to do, then to mark those that we knew were not for our turns, either as Courtiers, or Loose-livers, or half-Protestants, and their business was done.

Bum. We went the same way to work too in the Country_, at all our_ Elections; for it is a Lawfull Policy, you know, to lessen the Reputation of an Enemy.